On the great struggle of avoiding standardized tests

So as unemployment reigns deep into my subconscious (and my Xbox! Aside from learning I'm a failure as an adult due to an inability to fend myself in this crazy 21st century world that makes no sense to me and my old fashioned 20th century ways, I'm also learning I get my ass kicked by 12 year old's at Call of Duty! Oh the lessons in humility that unemployment has brought unto are plentiful and cruel), I am attempting to get a part time job working for the census. It'll be boring, it'll be stupid, and I won't give a shit the whole time, but the government pays up to 20 bucks an hour to do it.

And for those of you sitting at home, I'd like that to be a true lesson on my generation. The moment anyone between the ages of 21 and 27 reads that last bit of that last sentence they instantly forgot about the stupid and boring part. And the boomer generation thinks we're slackers, what ho! We know what work is about, getting paid, hating it, going home and taking whatever drugs that you do to forget about it.

We know that's what our parents did the whole time they worked! We just won't deny it like they do!

Now that's what I call progress!

In any event, I learned that in order to obtain this census job you have to take a multiple-choice standardized test of 30 questions about filing in order to see if I'm qualified, what job I should get, and how much they should pay me. This won't demand a snide comment, I just want you to think long and hard about the fact that a standardized multiple choice test exists for filing (oh and alphabetization. Can't forget that valuable skill that oh so few people have, can we?)

I got a 620 on my verbal on my GRE (and a 710 on my SAT verbal. I'm so good at the English language it's like I'm a guy...who...is...smart...at...English)! That's what Harvard English Grad Students got on average on their GRE(I checked because I'm a smug bastard like that)! Is this really what my life on standardized tests comes down to? Alphabetization? Do I really need to be tested to know that people's names when filing go last name, first name?

After all the qualifications that I was forced to go through by government sanctioned measures, my placement in a government program comes down to how well I do on a standardized test that is essentially a dumbed down version of the tests the government was forcing me to take my whole life (we'll just pretend I went to public schools and had to take the MCAS repeatedly so I'll have an actual reason to feel slighted).

Holy shit, have I been living in Japan my whole life and noone told me? No wonder my penis is so tiny...