Dear Obama

So maybe I'm a year too late from when people used to stand up at townhall meetings bitch about not having a job to candidate Obama and then through the magic of television magickry the news would explain that their dreams of having an entry level position at some crappy company for little pay and little time off finally came true as a result of complaining to Obama.

I want that to happen to me!

So maybe on this small blog started by my fellow angry good man Drew, I can harness that Obama energy into guilting someone into giving us some sort of employment. I have a Psych degree, experience working in an office, I worked 5 years at the same restaurant/bar working my way up to a management position (head night club bartender bitches), research skills, I type at 90 words a goddamn minute (thanks Mario Teaches Typing! I owe you one.), what the fuck! I'm a good guy, I don't steal, I don't do drugs (anymore...), I always have a designated driver, I've never cheated on my girlfriend, my parents haven't had the urge to disown me, I can play a lot of instruments, I'm friendly to people on the Train, I helped an old lady cross the street once when I was 12, I've never thrown a punch in my life (granted it's because I'm a pussy...but isn't that what you want in an employee? A modicum of passivity to deal with the mind numbing horrors that is employment in 85% of fields that don't involve puppies, strippers, fireworks, or alcohol?), I've never visited a prostitute or worked as one, I work hard at crappy things, what else am I supposed to be?

Look for 30 grand a year and 2 or 3 weeks vacation I will be your slave! Apparently that's not enough any more! I have to fake like every crappy entry level job is the single greatest thing I could have ever been doing, just like everyone else. I'm not an actor! I can't fake that much interest! I'm doing it for the money! That's why everyone works! Noone likes it! It's money people! That's all I want...

I used to have ideals. I used to have morality. I used to be a good guy. Now look at me, ranting on some crappy blog about how noone wants to pay me to do anything. That's what you did to me job searching! You've ruined me. And until someone decides that this fiery passionate passivity makes me an ideal candidate for their position, I think I'm screwed.

So Obama! Use your magic that you apparently had a year ago to get random schmucks a job! I'm as good of a random schmuck as you'll ever find! And I know you read all these blogs all the time in between plotting your apparent communo-islamic-fascist-empty suit take over of America I keep hearing about from Glen Beck, so help me out here! All I want is the dignity to get paid an okay salary to do a fairly mind numbing job! Is that too much to ask for in this life? Apparently it is...

Oh well, I guess it might be time to take I've never been a prostitute off this list soon...